HALF-WAY DONE!

So clearly blogging is not a strength in my book.  But time for updates: officially done 6/12 chemo sessions! What a fantastic feeling. Following each treatment the fatigue time has increased. I take quite a few naps but I'm still trucking!

 The icing of the cake is I had a check-up PET scan.....and it showed no metabolic activity! Ladies and gents, I am cancer free!!! :) :) :) :)


I have been having lots of fun wearing my wigs around town....

 I can feel like a European :)

 Belle says Hello!

My family is doing very well! Ian is rocking Towson. My Mother has her two new adopted kitties to tend to (Fern and Charlotte). My Dad's field hockey club is thriving and Sophia is rocking her senior year.
 

 

My sister is such a strong woman and I am so proud of her. She is in the running for Howard County Field Hockey Player of the Year. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE VOTE FOR HER! She is a champion on AND off the field!  Soph is a silent warrior who keeps a lot of her stressors in. I want to support this wonderful human being get some recognition for one of her passions. 

Help me show Sophie love in such a small way compared to how much she has supported me through my cancer battle <3

Here is the link: 

http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/maryland/howard/ellicott-city/ph-ho-cf-hs-fans-choice-field-hockey-player-of-the-year-poll-20131119,0,7327068.htmlstory

Sophia is the goalie with the most awesome pads. Vote Vote Vote!!!

Thank you for your continued support and love. We are half way done! To top off this post I want to share a pic of the two amazing girls I started at Children's with! This was taken at our 1st year graduation. I love you Em and Kerry!

Hair Affair: Gettin Wiggy With It

If there is one thing I am not good at it is updating this blog.
Life is great right now. I have officially finished 3 treatments. 9 more to go!  Chemo infusion days have been moved to Thursdays followed by me going back to the office on Fridays for a shot called Neulasta which helps to stimulate my bone marrow.  Following the first treatment, my white blood cell and granulocyte counts were down in the dumps. The Neulasta has brought all my blood levels back to where they should be.

Each Chemo, my mother, sister and I pick out a stackable ring. Here is my collection so far :)


So the hair started falling right around the second treatment on Sept 20th. It came out in bundles. No clumps like movies depict. It added an extra hour on to my morning routine because I had to clean the shower and wipe down the bathroom floor. There was literally a trail of strands following me around. The sensation of the hair on my body was gross. So without hesitation, after working a night shift, I had some coworkers assist me with cutting my hair. It was styled into a gorgeous mullet.

I came back to the apartment and cried because the realization of what I did hit me. I had tears streaming down my face as I told Christian, "I am so ugly, how will you be able to love me bald?" He hugged me and reassured me that his love is for my soul and it's not going anywhere. Besides, of course I was upset, my haircut wasn't flattering on anyone but rednecks.

So he and I went out and found a barber and shaved it off. IT WAS SO LIBERATING. To all the ladies out there who can never feel a shaved head. You are missing out. I love being bald. Every breeze feels amazing. Getting ready now is devoted to perfecting my make-up. I still can't stop rubbing my head and smiling.

But of course I am not alone in my head trimmings!  Mom and Sophie, you two completely blew me away. I love our shaved do.

So now with being beautifully bald, the wig can make it's debut! Here she is in her box!

And here she is on. The color is amazing. I still need to get comfortable styling but that will take time.  My childhood friend Ashlie Killian (now Mrs. Hall) got married on the 5th and I was able to show off. CONGRATULATIONS ASHLIE! You make a beautiful bride <3 I love you so much!

I am back at work full time and it feels FABULOUS!

This is one reason I adore HKU. Without planning, we show up in the same outfits!  Working with the kids makes me completely forget about my diagnosis and gives me the best escape. I LOVE my coworkers and my job



The apartment is great. Belle is a fabulous mean diva.

I will write soon!

XOXO

Sarah

Week One Fun

Week 1 Survived!

My first chemo was the 6th and it went swimmingly. Felt great that day and it kinda slacked off the subsequent mornings. I have been using a 10 point scale rating system to describe my energy and mood. 10 is the best. Today I am a 10. On Saturday and Sunday following chemo I was a 6-7. I felt turned off to food. I normally am one who can eat any time, any where. But on those days I was nauseated by the thought of even snacking on a Reese's peanut butter cup. Come Monday, I went to work and had to leave early after almost passing out in the employee bathroom. Note to self: first 3 days after chemo, do not extend myself. Do not work. Just lay in bed. Sleep and relax. The rest of the week I perked right back up to a 10/10.  Nausea is easily covered by my Zofran prescription.

The only other symptom I've had has added a new medication to my AM routine. Just some CVS brand Colace and you're good to go. That's all I need to say without being graphic. Everybody poops....unless you've had chemo.

So chemo wasn't that bad. Found out I can't drink. Not a drop. Darn. 6 months. I've been saying its like I'm pregnant: morning sickness, swollen ankles and fingers (from the heat/steroid), constipation and no alcohol. At least pregnant women can have one glass. Unfortunately, I don't get a baby either. Well, that's quite ok for now.

The port looks good! Here's a pic of it accessed. It has been healing nicely. I didn't feel them access it the first time because I was still so well covered by the anesthesia medication I received when it was being placed.

Fentanyl and Versed are some delicious drugs. Right after that little sucker was in, I went right over to get mah drugs.

The process itself was quick. I had a carrier fluid and each medication is easy going in. One is a gorgeous red that kind of looks like fruit punch. That one, the adriamycin, turned my pee orange. Total time was around 3 1/2 hours. The chair I sit in was nice and comfy. I just put my feet up the whole time, chatted with my awesome nurse and looked on Pinterest.

So fast forward, one week later, to this past Friday the 13th.  Got my blood checked and my counts look good. WBC @ 3.3. No mouth sores. Hair beginning to thin. Following my labs, I went to meet my wig woman.

Not only am I blessed to have been placed with an awesome oncologist for myself on the first try, but I also have found the best person to help me with this upcoming hair affair. We tried on a bunch of different cuts and colors. We tried cap size and synthetic vs. real hair. Wigs are pretty incredible. The hair is so well styled and all you have to do it pop it on your head. She prepped me for the thinning process and when to know when its time to shave. My girl Sharon at Crowning Alternatives is the bomb. I did purchase a wig....can't wait for everyone to see ;) I will be going to get it this upcoming Thursday the 19th.

Sharon has some kitties. Here's me lovin on a lil man.

Finally the apartment is coming together! Bed is here (Thank you Lord!)

And I am getting used to not using my car. It's pretty awesome.
Went to the Nat's game for the one game they lost vs. the Phillies (promise I'm not intoxicated!)

Had some pretty sick seats. I could practically see the players' pores. I could get used to this DC life style.

Belle is also doing well. Here she is getting all cozy with Walt White as he teaches his class before making Meth....

I finally have internet too so I can blog more regularly. For instance, I was excited to show these pics of my mother and I at the fertility center. I am holding a severely diseased uterus. My mother has a pen which we may have "borrowed" because we were feeling delirious and tired.

Life is good. Impossible is nothing. Probs gonna shave the head pretty soon. I'm so ready to be a rocker chick. I am going to get really really good at eye make-up.

Shout out to Stephanie Allen for mailing me a book to enjoy! I'm loving it so far :) 

Happy belated Birthday to my Papa. I love you Dad! 

Good job Sophia and MRHS for beating GLENELG in FIELD HOCKEY. Boom.

Lots of love, thank you for the continued support everyone. 

XOXO 

SHamilton

Chemo Eve

Heard back from my oncologist and I am a Stage 3! My blood levels are all within normal ranges. There is some involvement in my bone, spleen and lungs. 

I've started to develop some stabbing chest pain in my left lung on inspiration. According to my PET scan, some nodes have grown since my CAT scan in early July which is probably why I've had some increased discomfort.  

I went to the Fertility Planning yesterday with my Mother and can I just say...phew it was exhausting. In order to freeze my eggs I would have to give myself daily injections followed by the eventual retrieval of the eggs. The retrieval process involves a long needle going in places needles shouldn't go. I have so much respect for those who have to undergo fertility planning. It is not easy. All in all, I am not going through with it. For the process to be complete, it could take a minimum of 2 weeks. My oncologist and I both agree that starting chemo is necessary at this time.

Port tomorrow morning and Chemo following! It feels so surreal. I can't believe we are actually starting! 

Cheers!

Sarah

Treatment Planning

I am at a complete loss for words. The support that has been presented to me over the past few days has been more than I could have ever imagined. I feel the love, prayers, thoughts, words.  I am truly blessed. I am so grateful. Thank you, thank you, thank you.  Let's do this!  Shout out to my HKU fam. Oh my God you guys are amazing. From being surprised to a gorgeous basket filled  cards overflowing with words of encouragement. A lucky bamboo, a perfectly sized mug with an inspirational quote to hold my large morning cup of coffee, a bottle of Balsamic Vinegar (no, no, no, it was my favorite alcoholic beverage that rhymes with fine), a delicious latte, Chik fil A chicken nuggets, brownies, my favorite candy, a Hair-apy offer to cut a sassy cut for FREE!, a gift certificate for entirely too much to Circa so I can dine in style and finally...my favorite a gift certificate to Red Door Spa! I have never gotten a massage before and I am so thrilled. My family, you have truly blown me away. When I carried my basket in to my parent's house this and placed in on the counter to show off to my Mom like a 5 year old would show off a drawing, I bawling. I am filled with such hope and love. My soul has been fueled. I find such strength in the positive vibes around me. Belle approves of my sunflowers too.

Another shout out to my girl scout troop 1851! Yes, I am a lifetime girl scout and I'm not the least bit embarrassed.  We run a tight crew. I miss you girls a ton and hope life is swell. The flowers are gorgeous and so healthy. I love you! Thank you!!!

I am so blessed to have a friend who has been with me 10 years as she informed me a couple days ago. Happy friendaversery my beautiful euphonium partner (P.S. spell check doesn't accept that word, what bull is that?!) I'm so glad we got our hair appointment together. I love your blonde locks and my short cut is definitely better than long damaged hair that I sported before.  I'm not one for selfies...and I stress that. BUT my hair stylist @ Signature Salon (Jess W) did SUCH a pheonmenal job that I have to share

Look at that incision! Its not bad at all! I'm going to have a purty little scar :) 

Finally I have to mention my mother who is my rock in every aspect of this Journey so far. She moves my furniture in a U-Haul while I'm asleep. She drives me to every appointment, scan and beyond. I love you so much Mom. I wouldn't be able to do this without you. I admire you so much and hope I can grow into the woman you are. 

So the cancer is doing well. It says hello. Just kidding, it needs an eviction notice and that's exactly the plan.  My oncologist is WONDERFUL. She is confident, knowledgeable, caring and holistic. I am going to start ABVD chemotherapy once every other week for 6 cycles. One cycle consists of two treatments or terms which are easier for me to grasp, one month. The ABVD acronym stands for the drugs that will be used.

A is for adriamycin
B is for bleomycin
V is for vinblastine
D is for dacarbazine

It almost sounds poetic. Almost.  Adriamycin can have negative effects on the heart so I got an echocardiogram to get a baseline functioning level of my heart. Its only been one week and already I am totally comfortable taking off clothes in front of healthcare workers. Probably not the greatest but being naked is no biggie in my book. I whipped off my shirt and laid bare chested before the echo tech. Since I work on a cardiac floor, seeing my ventricles pump properly was very touching. No murmurs :). During treatment there is a possibility of me getting swollen legs or dyspnea (shortness of breath). If that is the case,  we will investigate how my heart is holding up.
Bleomycin can have negative effects on my lungs so I will use the Pulmonary function test I had done a while ago to use as a baseline to my respiratory status. According to my doctor, around the 6th week of treatment, I may see some changes in how I am able to exhale.
Vincristine causes neuropathy which is loss of sensation in some fine motor movements. I may have numbness in my fingertips and feet. This also occurs around the 6th treatment. Most survivors fully regain sensation in these outer extremities.  Looks like I'll have to avoid cross stitch for a while...not that I sew.



Staging with Hodgkins is evaluated by how many lymph nodes are involved and how they are located. Because my initial CAT scan showed lymph nodes above and below my diaphragm, I can expect a minimum of a Stage 3 diagnosis. Not a big deal. I had some labs drawn including a pregnancy test....ha ha what a joke! No babies here. In addition I got a full body PET scan to look at exactly where my involved lymph nodes are "hiding".  Before the scan I got injected with radioactive dye. Then I got to lay in a pitch black room in a lounge chair with a heating unit blowing on me. To top off my little zen time, I was giving a orangesicle flavored contrast drink that had the consistency of an room temperature avocado.  It wasn't delightful. I called my doctor today to ensure the results were sent to her. She will return my call with a number, either stage 3 or stage 4. No matter what it is, it's going to be okay.

Now the big kahuna: Fertility. I had reflected on this a little while back in July but brushed it off figuring if I wanted kids one day and couldn't have my own, I would adopt.  Chemotherapy can effect your ovaries somehow, I have no idea and frankly I'm not motivated enough to look into it. I live my life by hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. I have an appointment with Shady Grove Fertility tomorrow to discuss egg harvesting so that if I were to encounter some bumps down the road with getting pregnant, I have security that I planned ahead. Do I want kids now? Absolutely not. But lets be honest, its no secret children make me happy and I would love little ginger freckled tykes in the future. The problem with fertility planning is it can take time, which is unfortunately something I don't have ample supply of to waste. We need to start chemo ASAP but want to make sure my eggies are safe.  It'll all work out in time. I'm not stressing it for one second.

Babies, ECHO, PET scan. Now its time to think about a port!!!  I'm scheduled for this Friday at 0730. It will be done under light sedation. Yay for the fun drugs.

I am a female so naturally you think chemo and what comes to mind? Ladies...? HAIR. Yeah I got some and I don't wanna lose it! I hate having this intrinsic vanity but of course it claws at my mind. Am I projected to lose my golden locks? Yup! When? Week 3 of treatment. And the idea of having clumps of hair fall out is pretty mortifying so yes I plan on shaving it off. In the mean time, I am loving the ease of shoulder length hair.  My hair will grow back after treatment. At the end of the day family and love is all that counts. As far as wigs, I am most looking forward to getting one that looks like Ariel from the Little Mermaid. I want long RED hair. Insurance covers the price of wigs. So recommendations for styles are always encouraged!

I'm in good spirits, like a 10/10. Work is supper supportive and accommodating when it comes to my schedule. I'm sure many of you have now seen my gofundme page (www.gofundme.com/shamiltolymphomawarrior). I NEVER ever want to seem like a charity case. When my coworkers first presented the idea to me, I immediately said no. The thought just made me uncomfortable. With encouragement and time, I decided to go for it. I appreciate the support that friends and beyond are showing me. The money will be used just for medical bills. All the extra funds will be donated to heart and kidney. Them babies need some swings and vibrating chairs!

Lastly, the apartment is coming along nicely! Dupont circle is an unbelievable area.  I feel so safe and chic.  I was just taking pics to display but noticed that it looks more like hoarders than a place of living. Once unpacked, rather than pictures, everyone is invited to just visit. The couch is super comfy ;)

My "D" Day

After much waiting, yesterday August 27, 2013 was my diagnosis day. 

The surgeon who performed my biopsy called around noon. Eagerly I asked the verdict of the pathology results: Hodgkin's Lymphoma. 

I was linked with a local oncologist and my first appointment is set for this Thursday at 11:15.

Believe it or not, I still sincerely feel good. No breakdown of tears has occured to date....Knowing my emotional self, eventually it will hit but I'm not worried about it. I want to save my energy for everything to come. I am young and (sort of) in shape so I am going to rock whatever is ahead of me.  I am focusing on the positives of my life and appreciating each day aside from the awful humidity. 

I am so appreciative of the wonderful family and friend support that surrounds me. I am not alone.


The background scoop of this current sitch is as follows...
I have had a productive cough since January. I though nothing of it because I work with children (I have the best job in the ENTIRE world and I work with the most wonderful, beautiful, caring human beings you could ever encounter) and January is prime cold season. In my mind, it was just something I picked up from a little munchkin. Well come March, my mother had enough of my hacking and insisted I go to the doctor. Reluctantly I went and got a prescription for antibiotics to treat my "bronchitis". The cough disappeared for about a day and immediately returned once I finished all my pills. I still thought nothing of it because I thought a cough is no big deal.  Well months passed until the end of June when I woke up with horrible chest pain on my left side. I couldn't cough without making myself cry. Each breath in felt like a knife was being stabbed right into my body. I went to an outpatient urgent care and they took an X-ray to see what was going on.  Of course, where I was having the pain looked like beautiful lung tissue. However, on either sides of my windpipe were clusters of swollen lymph nodes. The urgent care doctor reviewed the film with me saying it could be one of three things: bad bronchitis, sarcoidosis or possible lymphoma.

Although I went to nursing school, I had no idea what sarcoidosis was. Without skipping a beat I turned on my lovely iPhone and went to town. Basically it is an inflammatory disease of the lungs where your body attacks its own tissue. It is treated with steroids and is generally not life threatening. Interesting.  I could deal with this steroid requiring issue no big deal. The last option, the lymphoma, is what caught me off guard. I inquired about familial tendencies considering my maternal grandfather a.k.a. Grandpa had Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. The doctor said that yes it was a concern of his. He prescribed me a 10 day course of steroids and antibiotics. I was to get a Chest CAT scan following my course and follow up with my primary care doc.

I took all the pills again and did just as I was told to do.  I was hoping that the medicines would help the swollen lymph nodes reduce in size but unfortunately on CAT scan the clusters were still there. By this time it was beginning of July.  My family doctor said I needed to see a Cardiothoracic surgeon to perform a biopsy of the tissue so we can determine if its sarcodiosis or lymphoma. The two diseases can look identical on diagnostic scans so samples are really the best way to go.  Well I went to one surgeon who instantly but politely said he's not the right guy.  He referred me to a pulmonologist where I had a pulmonary function test and my scan's reviewed. I asked the pulmonologist for his gut feeling. He said lymphoma but he couldn't be sure. He referred me to a top notch surgeon who would perform a mediastinoscopy.  When approached with the same question about gut feelings towards the diagnosis, the surgeon echoed his thoughts of lymphoma.  I took the news like a woman and nodded.  No tears. No panic. Just time to pull my big girl panties on and get to work.  My amazing Mom who accompanied me to all my appointments reacted more like how you are supposed to when you hear you may have cancer.  I love her with all my heart and seeing her cry has been the single HARDEST part about this so far. I hate making her upset and worried.

So long story stort on the 20th of August I had my surgery under general anesthesia. I have a little incision about 1 1/2 inches wide at the base of my neck. I had no nausea following surgery (thank god) and only took Motrin once before leaving the hospital. The steri strip has fallen off and now I am just putting neosporin on it everyday and popping a bandaid over it so I can keep it C/D/I and well approximated ;)

The surgery itself involved a scope going down into my chest and lymph nodes being plucked out to be tested. The nodes were sent "on rush delivery" and results would return in around 4 days.  Well come the morning of 27th I began to become a little worried since the math was clearly off.  Hearing the news was relief. I called my mom, texted some friends with the little battery I had left on my phone.

So here we are. I'm ready to start. On my birthday a week ago I was told that 23 is the best year of your life. Well, I plan on making it such. I don't see this as a set back at all. I am going to continue moving forward.  I am excited because I work tonight for the first time in over a week. I am chomping at the bit to go back. 


As an update to my life outside my health, I am so excited because yesterday Christian and I got the keys to our first apartment together!  It is a one bedroom little gem with amazing natural light.  Per the building's authority we are not allowed to officially move in until this Thursday but last night we unpacked all Christian's goods. He slept on the floor last night and I came back home to Ellicott City. I am pumped to live in Dupont Circle with my man and my kitty!



P.S. This is my first time blogging and I am hoping it will be therapeutic in my journey. It will be an ongoing process to learn how to change the layout and post pictures. So please, bear with me.  More to follow


Peace,


S Ham